When I was 12 years old, I made the decision to move away from Maine, where I lived with my Mom, younger Sister, and Step Dad, to live with my newly single Dad in New Jersey. I didn’t know it then, but this would become the most pivotal moment of my life that would set the stage for crucial decision making confidence.
Since then, I’ve made several bold decisions that would change the path of my life: moving across the country away from all of my family and previous friends, leaving jobs when they no longer served the direction I wanted to take, getting married and ultimately getting divorced, developing deeper relationships and cutting off ones that drained my soul, and there is still the unknown to come.
Through all of this, there was a decision to make, a choice. Some people avoid decisions that could greatly improve their lives, because sometimes that decision feels harder than being able to see the potential positive outcomes. You might know you need to leave a relationship that is not providing you the growth needed, however leaving that person might make you feel bad about their reaction or you feel dependent on them financially or a multitude of things that present fear.
Fear of making a decision leaves no change in reality. Some decisions may fail, some decisions may create a less desirable outcome. And yet you won’t know it unless you make the decision. What if making that decision allowed your path to be greater? What if making that decision allowed you to build the life you are dreaming of? Doing nothing about a situation that is no longer serving you is way worse than trying something and failing. At least with trying you are learning something about you and the choices you make.
Growth is beautiful. We only grow when we work on the things that help us evolve. That growth could be from improving communications, relationships, self awareness, and decision making. It’s a choice to grow, it’s a choice to live a certain way, it’s a choice to allow certain relationships in your life.
It can be scary to make a decision, often the fear comes from being afraid to make the wrong decision. If you let fear overcome your ability to make a decision, you’ll never know what was a good one or not. When I am making a decision I look at several methods. Some of them I have come up with by myself and some I have learned from research or books I’ve read.
The first method is likely one you’ve done yourself, a list of pros and cons about each decision. Sometimes I even flip a coin or use one of those digital wheel spinners where you list out the various options and see where it lands. Don’t worry, I don’t necessarily make huge milestone decisions with the flip of a hat and a button, but it does reveal to me sometimes what I am more excited about. When a choice lands somewhere you don’t want it to, even when you are leaving it up to the universe, there is a psychological reaction to it. Your body and mind know what you really want, we just have a hard time listening to ourselves.
The second method is now my better go-to decision making process. I learned about this method from the book, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, by sisters Emily and Amelia Nagoski. You create two columns, visual below, that group the decision based on staying or leaving and what are the immediate benefits and costs, what are the long term benefits and costs for both. It’s basically a look at “this or that” with an assessment of the benefits and costs to consider. I used this recently when deciding to leave my corporate job. So for me it was a process of to stay or change.
Being able to see your thoughts on paper can be really revealing. I wasn’t sure what this method would provide me at the time. I just wanted a way to see all my thoughts on paper and if there was something very obvious that I was trying to tell myself. It revealed that I was yearning for change, and I could have received that somewhat in staying but the long term costs of staying outweighed the short term costs of leaving. It wasn’t an easy decision, and sometimes you need to make the hard decision that feels wild. You know deep in your heart the correct decision, you just may need a little guidance and push to validate it.
If you’re feeling stuck, and are having decision paralysis, perhaps this method will work for you too. Or if you have a method of decision making that really helps you make a decision and feel validated about that decision, I would love to hear it. Share it in the comments or send me a note. I also work with individuals and teams that are in decision paralysis and need someone to help them work through life or business decisions. Sometimes we just need someone who can look at a situation unbiased, with a logical and empathetic approach.
I’d love to chat with you, hear your story, no strings attached.
Cheers to you, cheers to the decisions you’ve made, cheers to the decisions you haven’t made yet. You got this. I’ve got you.
